On the Mat Yet Again...

I've recently had hip surgery and it has, like my hip surgery in 1999, been a difficult one to recover from (explaining why it's been such a long time between posts). My body sure can't recover like it did when I was a kid. I've lost weight, like I do after every surgery I have, but it's definitely affecting me more at 25. Yet, despite my slow recovery, I know I will heal and move on with my life.

People with disabilities often have countless surgeries and experience great pain that few without disabilities can say they've experienced. I've had 14 surgeries, and this is on the low end compared to others my age who have the same disability as I do. Fourteen punches that have knocked me to the mat and still I get up (cue Rocky theme music). I get up because I refuse to lie down and accept the fate that some in society think is my fate, just as my parents refused to believe the fate doctors said would be mine. I get up because I want more out of life, I want to experience a rewarding career, I want to experience true love and a family of my own. I get up because my theme music is not yet written.

Recently, another man has been knocked to the mat yet again, just as I have. For those of you that follow the NBA, you will know that Alonzo Mourning was injured with a torn ACL, which, given his age, may end his career. For those that don't know Mourning, let me tell you about him. For just over 8 years Mourning was a dominating force in the league and then he was stopped dead in his tracks by kidney disease. He had a transplant and few thought he would play again... but he did and has become a hero figure to many. Do I think he'll be back? I'm not sure but I wouldn't put it past him.

There's a lot to be said in the quality of a man or woman who just won't stay down. If you keep getting up again and again, heavy hitters eventually get tired and you get the best of them. I'm going to keep getting up so I can get the best out of life.

When the Chips are Down...

Most people who know me well know that they can count on me being there when it matters most. I am excellent at reading people even from afar because I have been observing people since my childhood. People that know me also would say that if someone challenges me in any way, he or she better be prepared because I am coming with all I've got and probably have a few tricks up my sleeve. When my abilities or my character is called into question I love to prove people wrong.

With all this in the back of my mind, over the past few months I have realized that I can be a very good poker player with a little polishing of my skills. Over the past few years, I have played casually with my friends, usually losing when I first started but gradually I have learned the game and its strategy. Recently, I have done nothing but win and decided that I should take it to the next level and try my luck in the casinos.

And then something occurred to me... people who don't know me hear my slurred speech and see my spasticity and often incorrectly assume that I have an intellectual disability. Usually, I try to dispel this assumption as quickly as possible, but at a poker table this might not be a bad thing to just let go. I thought that I could take everyone's money before they figure out how smart I really am. However, after talking this over with a close friend whom I have known since childhood, he disagreed saying that at a poker table the good players never underestimate anyone. There was only one way to find out who was right.

He was.

Whatever advantage I may have had when I sat down at the table was gone after I won my first big pot. However, by the end of the day I had realized something very important: people respect me pretty fast if I take their money. Poker, if I'm good enough, could be another avenue for me to promote disability awareness... and I can make money at the same time. In the end, disability awareness is about respect... showing respect to those who are different than you. When the chips were down... I gained that respect from more than 20 people who, hopefully, will be changed forever.

Author of Life?

I've been recently pondering whether I should write my autobiography now (having it culminate using the same logic as in my June 4, 2007 entry) or wait until later in life. And while I have come no closer to making a decision on that, a playful concept has developed in my mind that I wanted to share. What if our lives were the creation of some "celestial" author sitting at his or her desk, writing a novel? I'd like to put aside any religious references or comparisons and just have fun with this for a bit. What implications would this have to our view of life? Would this mean the concept of fate is absolute? What would be the author's intent behind the characteristics assigned to you (appearance, flaws, disability, etc.)? Is the author just writing the novel for the sake of writing, or is there some other motive? Would this novel encompass your entire life or is it one of many in an anthology? What happens if the author goes back and wants to change a part in the novel? Perhaps it is the ultimate witness protection program...

These questions have been fun to ponder and have allowed me to escape to the quiet recesses of my brain. However, there has been one question that has intrigued me much more than all the others... What happens when the author's main character gains awareness that he or she is, indeed, a character and begins to fight back, demanding autonomy? Is there a rip in the page, exposing and merging these two realities?

Happy thinking!

Regarding My Recent Posts

Strangely, the last two posts were not published to the outside world, just to me. I think I fixed it and I apologize for the lack of updates, even though I really was writing entries!

Stamps

While I think it's a crock that stamps have gone up four cents in the last year, this is not going to be an entry about the USPS. I work with many consumers living in skilled nursing facilities (politically correct word for nursing homes and institutions) in San Diego. Recently I was appalled to discover that one such facility charges their residents 45 cents per stamp... two cents above what the stamp is worth. As far as I know, there is nothing illegal occurring, it is merely a matter of supply and demand, but this is morally and ethically despicable. The severely inflated costs of health care are apparently not enough to keep their wallets and purses full. Due to state regulations residents of these facilities who are on SSI or standard Social Security (95-100%) are only given $50/month allowance. Most parents give their children more than this. If a person smokes this money is gone in an instant. $50 is typically not even enough to pay for a decent cell phone plan, so residents must rely on nurses being courteous enough to tell them they have a call at the nurses station (yeah, I'll leave that one be). With this in mind, letters may be a resident's only connection to the outside world. Tell me, then, why you would want to make a profit off of it?

Notes on a Graduation

Well, I've officially graduated with a Masters degree... a feat that the doctors who botched my birth would have said was ludicrous. Looking back on my 20 consecutive years of schooling has gave me time to ponder whether it was worth all the trouble as I now move forward with my life. It has not been an easy journey, as there have been plenty of physical and attitudinal barriers that I've had to overcome. Those barriers were all, one by one, removed, won over, silenced, or obliterated in some cases and all that remains is a wall full of degrees, honors and accolades.

I'm extremely proud of that wall, as anyone who has accomplished what I have should be.

...but should there be any special recognition given to my accomplishments; a proverbial asterisk included because I have a "significant" disability?

Most of you who know me well will be shocked to learn my answer to this question is yes, but let me explain before you pick up the phone and ask if I'm on drugs (which, as a matter of fact, I am on some pretty cool pain killers right now!). I do not feel that my academic achievements have been very spectacular. Anybody with my intellect could have done what I've done and surely done it better because I've been known to not apply myself very effectively on numerous occasions. I was not valedictorian, was not in any of the cum laudae groupings, and did not conduct any earth-shattering research (though I tried). I also do not feel that reaching this point academically having a "significant" disability in and of itself is worthy of special recognition either. My disability has not affected my mind (aside from adding a sickness to my humor, perhaps) and there have been adequate accommodations available to enable me to complete my work as diligently as I chose to complete it. A person who looks at me, sees me as a person with a disability, and thinks it is so wonderful and inspirational that I even go to school... their praise and recognition does nothing for me.

The reason I think my accomplishments are worthy of special recognition is because I have succeeded in rising above the social expectations unfairly placed upon me. From the doctors who said I would never read or write, to the therapists who thought physical therapy would get me further along in life than academics (as if I'm going to make a living running marathons...) to the university professors who thought I'd be crazy to pursue a counseling degree because of my speech impairment, I have proven them wrong time and time again. These degrees are proof that I have broken free of the shackles that many promising individuals have been imprisoned by and have had their spirits broken by an immense weight that should never be placed on anyone. I have been through the firestorm and have emerged with the prizes I set out to achieve long ago and now there's nothing this man can't do; nothing he can't change.

Remembering Beckwith

Coming to the University of Illinois from a small town in Michigan where the total population was smaller than the number of students at the university I would call home for four years was a daunting thought. I was going to a place where I did not know anyone, in fact, the only thing I did know for sure was that this was going to be my opportunity to break free of the falsehoods and misconceptions society had placed on me because I had a disability.

Education was, and still is, going to be my ticket to freedom, but I still needed to learn how to best harness that freedom; Beckwith Hall was to be my training ground. Over the three years I lived in Beckwith I was transformed from a shy young boy into a confident young man with the potential to change the world for the better. I learned to manage my life without the safety net of my parents and manage stressful situations with grace. With that said, Beckwith was a minor part of my college days, which is what Beckwith was truly meant to be… minor. Beckwith’s true legacy is to prepare young people with disabilities for the real world; to be that step stool from living at home with your parents to living on your own. Beckwith provided me with just enough support to allow me to spread my wings and take flight. I earned my bachelor’s degree, worked several jobs, made numerous friends, participated in many organizations and made an impact on an unknown number of lives. Without Beckwith Hall, none of that would have been possible.

After my junior year I ventured outside the walls of Beckwith and got an apartment with another one of Beckwith’s now alumni. It was a good opportunity to gain the experience of true independent living with the comforting knowledge that support was still just a few blocks away. In the blink of an eye, the year was over and I decided to take a giant leap and move to San Diego, CA for graduate school, 2,500 miles away from my family. Once again, I willingly placed myself in a daunting situation but, this time, thanks to Beckwith, I was armed with the confidence that I could handle life on my own. Without those three years at Beckwith Hall I am not so sure I could have handled living here in San Diego since 2004. Beckwith taught me a great deal, through practical experience, of the techniques and strategies I have had to use to get through personal assistant shortages, transportation difficulties and a whole host of other crises.

The point of this very tardy blog? Never be afraid to take risks and stand out where you could get hurt. If you are a member of a minority... any minority... you must be willing to take risks; to fight for what you want in life if you are to ever come out on top. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed." As I have said in previous blogs, many people look at me as an inspiration, even though I feel as if I am merely living my life to its fullest. If you have the confidence to take risks and to seize opportunities as they present themselves despite society's efforts to oppress your individuality and the great worth that is innate in all of us... you, too, will be an "inspiration" to many.

Lackluster Holidays

Is Presidents day really a holiday? Federally, it is observed by closing federal offices. Most schools and universities are also closed, some for an entire week like NYC schools are. But... do we actually observe it as a society? If you look at how it is officially spelled (with no apostrophe), it tells us that the day does not belong to a particular president nor to all of the presidents as a whole. It is a day that we, as a country, honor past and current presidents. But, admit it, how many of you have heard the names Tyler, Hayes and Pierce? There's really only a handful of presidents our society actually knows universally, not counting the last 30 years let's say. Even if you can name 15 presidents that only a third of the total. Shouldn't it be important that we know why we celebrate a certain holiday and whom we are celebrating?

Perhaps the great lack of interest in politics we have as a society has something to do with it. Certainly we must have a certain amount of pride and respect in our current president for Presidents Day to mean more than "woohoo, let's celebrate the great presidents we once had because we may never see another one in office!"

...I'm going to get hate mail for that one, I know it...

No matter what your opinion is of Dubya, you have to admit that our political system as a whole is in shambles and getting worse. Nobody truly observes Presidents Day because the last real memorable act our government did was back in 1990 when the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed. The sad thing is... we have nobody but ourselves to blame. Our apathy has allowed corruption and greed to take over our government and only we can fix that. Until we force crooked politicians to be accountable for their actions, the situation will remain the same. There are people out there who would probably make excellent politicians and legislators but wouldn't dare set foot in the political arena because they know they would be eaten alive by the money, selfishness and power of the crooked politicians. Beginning to fix the system by getting involved in advocating for accountability is the way we can fix our government and rediscover the pride we have in it... and in Presidents Day.

So why do we celebrate Presidents Day now? That's easy... to get the day off work or school, of course!!! :)

Wheelz-O-Thunder

Wheelz-O-Thunder has been my handle since my senior year of high school and has garnered me a lot of "that's a sweet name," "that's fitting for your crazy driving," and "are you a trucker?" comments over the years. The name has defined me in my online/e-mail "life" but has rarely invaded my "real" life... until this past Saturday.

I was at the San Diego Wild Animal Park with my sister and a family friend enjoying the afternoon. We were going over a wooden footbridge when I hear a woman down below tell her friend she thinks it's going to rain because she hears thunder. My initial reaction was to look up... then it hit me... the sound she was hearing was my wheels rolling over the wooden planks of the footbridge. My friend and I both started cracking up at the same time, which probably only enhanced the thundrous noise the woman was hearing. The situation was extremely funny on its own, but it became absolutely hilarious when the thought of my handle entered my mind.

Later on, as I was left alone to my thoughts, I realized that this was yet another metaphor of life, particularly my life. We must accept the fact that we have an impact on others' lives. I have struggled with this fact for many, many years as I've had countless people tell me that I'm an inspiration or heroic to them. I simply think that I am leading my life as if I didn't have a disability; as "normally" as possible. To me, how can normal be inspirational? To others, however, there is nothing "normal" about my life and yet I have succeeded to get to where I am today. Others wonder in almost a state of bewilderment that I'm standing tall on that proverbial mountain top.

Perspective. Despite how hard one might try to explain to another what he or she experienced or witnessed the other person inevitably will see it in a different light. We must learn to accept this, to accept others' humanity, others' opinions. I must learn to accept I impact the lives of others even when I don't intend to... even when I pass overhead on a wooden footbridge. As a human race, we need to accept that there are billions of perspectives and billions of people who, to them, are seeing things correctly. Difference should be respected at the very least, and an effort made to understand that difference of perspective.

Alternative Pathways Lead... Where?

Today I was sitting in chuch listening to the sermon when I heard a rustling noise coming from the direction of the sanctuary entrance. Now, our entrance is three sets of double doors; one set is propped open to allow entry (and exit) and the other two sets have drapes hung over them... to add to the particular mood of the sanctuary I assume. Knowing this, you could imagine my surprise to see someone coming into the sanctuary, fighting through the drapes. It was an elderly woman (whom I did not recognize) and she was a bit flustered by the difficulty she was having. I'm watching this woman struggle and looking at the wide-open doors ten feet to her left and I couldn't help but wonder if she was suffering from dementia.

A few hours later... as I was thinking about what I had seen earlier, it occurred to me that I had witnessed a metaphor to my life, and I'm sure countless others' lives who have chosen to go against the grain of mainstreamed society. Throughout my life I've been faced with the decision to take the path society has typically chosen (or the path the ignorantly think is best for me) or the path that few people think I can't handle. More often than not, I've taken the path that draws the reaction "that dude is nuts, he'll never make it..." from many people. Taking these seemingly difficult paths, however, have always rewarded me greatly in the end and have revealed characteristics and strengths within me that I didn't know existed.

I'm reminded of Robert Frost's immortal poem The Road Not Taken, and the lines:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

There are two types of people in the world: leaders and followers. Leaders are fearless trailblazers who only become more determined if someone doubts their capabilities. It is these people who leave a lasting impact wherever they go, for better or for worse. It is these people who refuse to let their lives be determined by the perceptions society has of them. Some of us, unfortunately, have irrational stigmas attached to us for simply being who we are. These stigmas govern the 'easy' paths determined for us by soceity, paths that, if we continue to take them, will perpetuate those irrational stigmas. Chosing those alternative pathways, and being confident that you will be successful, forces society to reevaluate how they view you as an individual. One occurrence challenging a person's cognitive perception of a particular person or idea may not be enough to force them to alter their view, but if their cognitive perceptions are challenged enough, eventually they will change.

With this said, do not choose to follow the difficult path to change society... follow those paths for your own benefit. Challenge yourself and you will grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically... you will become a man or woman that you will be truly happy with. Everything else in life is just gravy!

Free Samples

I was given a New Yorker cartoon desk calendar for Christmas this year and today's cartoon was a clever one. It was a drawing of a martial arts teacher standing outside the door to his dojo in a busy mall. The teacher had just finished tossing a shopper on the floor. Next to the teacher there was a sign that read, "Free Samples."

Free samples are everywhere... you can try a sample of just about any kind of food if you look hard enough. You can find free magazine trials, movie trials, free cell phones, free services... you are even forcefully given free samples of lotion or perfume in some stores. Joining CD, DVD or book clubs means free items if you promise to buy a certain amount from that club. Free sample marketing seems to have been enmeshed into how our society (America) does business... and it seems to be profitable.

With all these free samples, why is it that none of the important life altering things are offered as free samples? The premise behind offering free samples is the notion that it will intice the recipient to buy the particular item. If this premise is so successful, wouldn't it make sense for humanity to work harder on offering free samples of compassion, peace, love, forgiveness, acceptance, guidance, truthfullness, even smiles. I'm not a naive person, I realize that I'm suggesting a world that very well never exist, I merely hope my readers can close their eyes and imagine a world where we were given free samples of these things. How would you feel living in that world? I, for one, can imagine everyone being treated more equally, including people with disabilities. People of all kinds would be given a chance to prove themselves without being judged unfairly or prematurely. Crime and war would drop because people would be happier with their own lives and see humanity in others.

It never hurts to dream...

The world never will change overnight, but that doesn't mean it will never change. If each of us (you the readers and myself) strive to give out free samples of the "good stuff" we can start changing the world one person at a time.